Minneapolis

Well, "American Idol" won me over again - and it happened even before anyone sang. All they had to do was flash Prince on the screen for five minutes and I fell in love all over again. I had a mini heart attack the night of last season's finale when Prince made his "surprise" appearance and it was awesome to see them replay it, however briefly, and then begin their search in his hometown of Minneapolis.

Jewel, who could really use a hit of her own right about now, appears as a guest judge, most likely to promote her newest album, "Goodbye Alice in Wonderland."

First up is Jessica - of course, a huge fan of Jewel. I almost cried along with her - her humiliation was so devastating, I almost didn't recover myself. You would think that if you're going to sing your idol's song right in front of her face, you would at least be able to carry a tune. Bless her little heart - she sounded like a cross between Cher and Elvis. And then she breaks down, as if she's surprised they rejected her??? But great news!! She says she's not going to stop, so maybe we'll see her again...

Jesse Holloway... um, huh? I know he said something about being unique and loving music, but I'm pretty sure he didn't speak a full, coherent sentence in there. And then he tries to sing Celine Dion's "My Heart Will Go On" in a whisper. Wait... did he just interrupt himself to go get some water? OK, I'm done with him...

Charles Monroe, dressed as Apollo Creed, decides to sing in Italian? Oh no.. Here's the best example of someone who has misused a gimmick. His voice actually wasn't bad, but the choice of song along with his ridiculous outfit just ruined whatever chance he might have had.

And now we're on to "Idol's" first sob story. Denise Jackson, 16, of Madison, Wisc., talks about how she was born a "crack baby," how her grandmother rescued her, and everything she's had to overcome to get where she is. And as expected, she can belt out a song. Finally, someone makes it to Hollywood, and it's clear Fox wants America to feel for her.

Shakira wannabe Perla Meneses was intriguing, simply because she kind of looks like Shakira, kind of sounds like Shakira. It'll be interesting to see if she can offer anything else. Plus, she hit on Ryan Seacrest, who has long been rumored to be gay. Not sure this one's too bright.

One thing that confuses me about "American Idol" is the choice of people who get through to the judges. My understanding is that contestants are pre-screened and only some people make it through to Randy, Paula and Simon. So, why send in a girl who can only sing in the voice of the Cowardly Lion from "The Wizard of Oz"? Seems like a waste of time for the judges and American viewers, not to mention a waste of energy for that poor girl.

Oh Dayna Dooley - it was awful of the judges to imply that she had something going on with her boss just because he flew her out from California to audition again after failing in Pasadena. And I really gave her the benefit of the doubt. Until she sang "Fever" to him. I think she actually slivered toward him a little bit. It was disturbing.

I'd be interested to know at what time other people started getting bored with this way-too-long series premiere. I'd like to close my eyes and drift off to sleep right now. It's a shame that Fox thinks America is only interested in listening to duds. We watch the show to find the best, so while it's funny to watch people falter a bit, ultimately, we want to see some talent and two hours is just too long to sit through disaster after disaster.

Crazy "American Idol" fan, Brenna, who tattooed a heart on her wrist because last-season contestant Ace Young drew it for her, decides to sing Queen and David Bowie's "Under Pressure" and the first few words sum up tonight's episode for me. "Why, why why?" Here's to hoping that we see more talent tomorrow.