Tough love

There's a spate of articles about how American Idol is meaner this year--how Simon's made some really unforgivable remarks, how contestants have been reduced to tears. Topped by that arbiter of all things cultural (and Long Island girl) Rosie O'Donnell going off on her favorite topic of body image and all that on her View show.

To which I say: put a sock in it, folks. This is the way the audition rounds have always been--anyone who says otherwise either has never watched Idol, or else is letting their memories of the later rounds cloud what actually happens at the audition stage. It's no meaner at this stage this year than it's ever been.

And I would even argue it's not mean enough.

Idol shows two types of people early: contestants who are good, and contestants who are bad. They don't make fun of the good people.

Of the contestants who are bad, there are again two types: Those who know it, and those who are deluded.

Neither group, in my mind, deserves much in the way of sympathy. If you know you're not any good but you're auditioning for Idol in some weird get-up or with some insane voice just in hopes of getting on tv--well, welcome to tv!

You're putting yourself out there; so you're going to get made fun of. Defend yourself, if you can--otherwise, hey, at least you're on tv, right?

Now if you're not any good but don't know it, then you're deluded. Sure, your family/friends deserve some of the blame, but in the end it's your own fault if you think you're at Idol-level but actually fall waaaay short.

Which is the case for Meerkat Boy and his sidekick Belly Boy; Weird Red, Pink Girl, The Non-hotness, Super-nerd, Urban Amish, Cowardly Lion and the rest of the Minneapolis and Seattle misfits (maybe they should all get sent to an island).

I mean, you go audition for a competition that's produced Grammy winners (and soon an Oscar winner too), dressed as a lion or with a voice that could split stone, and you expect people to respect you?

Come on, people--have some respect for Idol.

If nothing else, have some respect for your fellow competitors, who have put in years of hard work--you think singing well is easy, something you roll out of bed with?!--and who deserve more of the spotlight.

If it weren't for the delusions of these fools who are so self-unaware that someone telling them the simple fact that they can't sing can reduce them to tears, Rosie would have time to rave about the Malakar siblings... or maybe she'd be pretending to do their accent or something (which since they're Americans they don't have, but Rosie's not exactly known for her powers of observation, is she).

It's not like American Idol is going out in public with their cameras and focusing it on people and then ripping them... although given Simon's creativity and Randy's directness, America's Got Freaks would be a pretty funny show. I imagine Paula rolling on the floor hysterically while saying she's shocked! shocked!

These contestants--many of whom, by the way, have horribly hostile attitudes and were apparently raised in barns--are asking, in some cases begging, to be judged.

Well, if you can sing or can at least don't sing too badly, Simon et al will give you an assessment of your musical abilities. They've got something to work with in those cases--if you pay attention, you know the judges never rip people who can sing but just not well enough, they encourage them to come back next year or to get a vocal coach.

But if you can't sing at all--what's a judge to do? Again, remember, this isn't the later rounds, where everyone can sing and the comments can be more constructive.

We're talking about people who are literally tone-deaf--and don't know it! Who have no chance of ever making it in the shallow world of pop music--and don't know it! Who have an absolute lack of musical knowledge and no respect for how hard it is to be a musician--and don't know it!

Under those circumstances, I applaud Simon and Randy (and sometimes Paula) for searing them. Nobody else in their life apparently has ever gotten through to them before; maybe this'll be something they remember and be enough to break through their wall of unawareness.

In some ways, the judges are the most caring people they've ever met. At least they're telling them to snap out of their delusion and do something real with their life that they actually may have a chance to succeed at.

Heck, maybe one day one of them can host a morning tv show.